nonsense musings of a potato
May 26, 2017.
The sky is gloomy today; I think the rain will start pouring again anytime soon. It’s been like this for quite some time now; the sky somber and clear, mild rain teeming down on every surface, the air still humid even though it just rained. Maybe it’s the indication that summer is about to come to an end or there’s just a mere science explanation for this phenomenon, on why does it rain on summer season.
But today, the air is a bit cold. And as I walk out of the house, the cool breeze started to creep on my pale skin and I find it quite soothing. It’s 5 o’clock in the late afternoon and it just stopped raining hence the cold air and the gloomy sky. I like it. I like the dim weather, the damped pavement, the dewdrops on the leaves and the petrichor. Just a few more weeks and it’s the beginning of the wet season; I honestly can’t wait to be cozy on my thick, chunky clothes and be in a gloomy mood matching the weather.
I really feel like it’s going to rain, yet I didn’t bother bringing an umbrella with me. An umbrella should be a necessity at such times like today, my mother would always say. Well, I did try to find it somewhere but laziness got the best of me and I decided to just leave the house without bringing one. My mom is so gonna scold me when I get home later, drenched and all. I knew I will regret not bringing an umbrella, but if I did continue to look for one, it will take so much time and I will probably be late again for today’s service.
The service. It’s been weeks since I last attended the youth service, which explains the excitement, the anticipation to worship Him again. I started attending last February and became present every Fridays but then I stopped when summer vacation begun on April because we’ve been having frequent family trips.
Light rain starts pouring as soon as I rode a tricycle (motorized). The whole ride to the location, I kept talking to my mind as if I was writing on a random notebook or typing thoughts on my blog. I mentioned each and every detail I was aware of, such as; the suspicious man sitting beside me, the summer rain, the weather, the raindrops drying on my mom jeans, my cool hands gripping on a rusty metal (I reminded myself to wash my hands as soon as I arrive), the houses by the road and the peeking sunset sky on the horizon.
While I was making my way upstairs, I didn’t hear anyone singing so maybe the service hasn’t started yet. I wasn’t late; I was on time, thank goodness. I can’t bear walking in alone while everyone is in the midst of singing. It’s just plainly embarrassing for me and I know it is because I’ve experienced it already. I proceeded in the bathroom first before going in and washed my hands that smells like metal. As I walk in the room, I was greeted by a group of smiling tall men on the front door, I smiled back at them and immediately lowered my head.
Everyone was asked to huddle up front as the service was about to start. I was reluctant to do so but my friend pulled me along with her and pushed through the building crowd. The band then commenced to play and sang worship songs that sounded unfamiliar to me. I was probably the only one who doesn’t know the songs. Thanks to the lyrics flashed on the white screen, I managed to catch up and sing with everyone else.
Each one in the room was clapping, lifting their hands, singing passionately, all eyes closed, worshipping Him with pure love. I am surrounded by young souls burning with faith, all eager for His beautiful love, all saved by His eternal grace; and it was good.
As the last fast song turns into a slow mellow, I kept my hands clasped to my chest and swayed my body along with the soft melody, my eyes closed. I was feeling His love, praying, putting my mind at peace. For a short time, I forgot about everything and I lifted my everything. As I sing with the other young individuals in the room, I could feel chills crawling through every part of my skin that ceases in my heart. A content smile then formed on my lips because it feels majestic and powerful. According to some, it was the Holy Spirit reaching out to you. I don’t know if it’s entirely true but I sort of believe in that. Either way, it’s something that I commonly feel whenever I connect with Him and when a certain thing/song/movie moved my heart.
And the last worship song came to an end, I was surprised that I didn’t found myself crying. There were no tears forming on the corner of my eyes liked it used to. There was only peace in my heart; and it was good.
You know who cried? My armpits. It was sweating in spite of the breathable shirt I’m wearing and the cool temperature inside the room.
It also started raining just when everyone settled down, and after a few, the preaching begun. The sound of the pouring rain clattering on the roof can be heard in every corner of the room and has no means of stopping. The clattering sound seemingly became a distraction like how it usually is. The preacher then asked if it’s okay, if the rain is not distracting us and I answered in my head “yes, I like it.” I’ve always liked how soothing the sound of the rain is at some sorts.
Nonetheless, the preaching continued. And my mind was open as I was listening intently. These were the lessons that I inhaled, meditated and remembered:
[Note, the following italicized words are not exactly what the preacher said but rather my mere understanding. I actually can’t remember some points said on the talk but I swear I was listening]
Who will change the world? Us, the people of God.
How will we change the world? Build a relationship with God, know Him better and know His words, worship Him, and be His Disciple. Through discipleship, as His follower and faithful believer, you are spreading the word of God, you are teaching, you are guiding and changing people’s lives. In that way, you might just change the world one word at a time.
As you build a relationship with God, the whole world moves with you. Your world is becoming more diverse and there will be exceptional changes in your life for you are moving forward and growing towards Him. Your relationship with God shouldn’t just be good, it should be great. As the preacher said, our relationship with God is just like watching a Korean drama. You wouldn’t just want to stay in episode 1, of course you will want to move on to the next episode and eventually, finish the drama. Same goes in building your relationship with God, It shouldn’t just stay in the starting level, it should move forward and be greater.
The preacher also discussed the 4 threes of Peter; Peter denied Jesus 3 times, Jesus Asked Peter “Do you love me?” 3 times, Peter responded and declared his love for Jesus 3 times and Jesus commanded Peter to “feed my lamb, tend my sheep, feed my sheep”.
Even if we deny Jesus at least once in our lives, doesn’t mean that we are no longer qualified to be His follower, there will and will always be a way to restore our faith in Him. Jesus will not deny us like how we did but instead, He will accept us and restore us with His beautiful love. With that, we will respond and resolute, we will acknowledge Him once again, we will know His words, be His disciples, and we will live our purpose in life.
As I contemplate during and after the talk, I became more and more anxious. I’ve been facing challenges, uncertainties and confusions with myself since the day I surrendered my life to Him. Why would I? why would I have uncertainties? I don’t even understand what’s going on with me. Must be a part of starting your spiritual life. But surely, the fire inside me is slowly cooling off, as my friend said. Don’t get me wrong tho.
After the preach, we proceeded right away to our one2one session. Kath, my former classmate and current good friend, a devoted Christian, is the one guiding me on building my relationship with God. She was the one who introduced me to all of these and I’m beyond grateful to be accompanied by a faithful and mindful person who loves her God and Lord so much. I remember crying so hard in front of her on the day I decided to surrender my all to Him. It was spontaneous.
I told her the things and thoughts that has been bothering me the whole time in between our discussions, and Kath was genuine to share her experiences and wisdom to me.
I was then relieved after hearing her words.
And I couldn’t help but smile. I also earned a great advice from her.
Surround yourself with people who could help you build yourself as well as your relationship with God. Make friends with those people who encourage you to live a good life. Make friends with those who can help you through your darkest times and will rejoice with you in your brightest times.
And the fire inside me illuminated once again. We finished the session with my prayer.
It was still raining as we got out of the building and I keep on saying that ‘I don’t have an umbrella’. I was starting to regret that I didn’t bring one. Good thing Kath had her’s. Thank you Kath, you’re a blessing.
As me and Kath parted our ways, I didn’t go home right away. Instead, I strode my way to a local store to find a gift for a friend who’s celebrating her 18th birthday in just a few days. Inside the store, I was just strolling around, looking at every shelf and I have no intention of buying anything. In my mind, I was already listing a bunch of stuff that I could buy when money has already decided to befriend me. After a long exploration inside, I found a nice gift that I might consider buying if ever I attended her party.
Then I finally decided to head home.
I may look dumb walking unhurriedly under the rain with nothing protecting me from being drenched but I didn’t care. I was enjoying it. I was glad to be sensing the rain. For some reason, I kinda missed it since it’s been scorching here in the Philippines.
Sometimes, it’s good when we appreciate the natural things. Because the more we appreciate the little beautiful things our nature is capable of, the more we could see its beauty, significance and worth. It’s actually invigorating in some way when you learn how to be sensible with your surrounding.
The sky is completely dark now so as the path I’m striding, but my heart, my heart was enlightened.
I was really mindful today, very observant, fully conscious of my surroundings and thoughts and it’s a great thing actually, considering that I’ve been in a slump for the whole summer vacation, and I literally can’t think of anything logical to write or do. Maybe the gloomy weather has something to do with how my mind works today. If then, I have to thank the weather for that.
As I walk, I felt tranquility, like my burdens were all lifted. Maybe it was the power of praying to Him, letting Him take over your struggles and worries, trusting Him in everything and asking Him for forgiveness and love.
Today, I made a decision that I will start doing. I will stop delaying and I will start building my relationship with Him, even if it takes a long time to make things clear, but I will start doing, for I want to be a better person and a better daughter.
I don’t even know if the words that I wrote here made any sense. Maybe there’s just something spectacular today that made me write these words, that made me mindful of my actions and surroundings. Maybe it’s His presence and wisdom circling in my head, or maybe it’s because I was finally out of the house or maybe again, it’s just the weather.
Till then, be faithful and keep yourselves hydrated!
[Photos taken last December 2016]